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Healers Heal Through Intimate Relationships

“Healers” are never fully done healing, 'tis the point to our existence as a practice. Yet, many of us learned to more easily recognize traumas in others, developing empathy once the wheels of sympathy begin to turn. Tantra teaches us that Challenges grow the Masculine, while Praise grows the Feminine, and that every human embodies a blend of both energies. Without flexing the heart muscle, we won’t be conditioned enough to sustain, or even recognize, the “real thing” when intimate loving relationships do arise. Nor will we be able to refill our cups as healers, attempting to help others along the way, and instead leaving us depleted and our communities tapped-out.

Unearthing The Shadow

Sooo… I have deep abandonment issues in regards to my past relationship with someone that I deeply loved and respected, for many years. I recently opened myself up, yet again, and this trauma was triggered by seemingly short-lived flings, that while I did not initiate, know the connections were sent to me for the sake of growth (reopening a deep old wound, in a short time). My internalized reaction from the beginning, was with great hesitation, fear, anguish, and disbelief that I could like someone, on a spiritual level, again. This potential was met with a deep intuitive knowing that it would end with me encountering red flags and holding onto more baggage, should I choose to avoid vs confront said red flags. I’ve got nothing to lose but my ego. So, I big fat did it anyway! I suppose I’ve grown to be playful like that, lol.

Q: So, how do we date when everyone seems to be tasked with going through some sort of healing?

A: We have to do the work (in regards to intimacy).

Real Recognize Real

In order to find the root, we must first become aware of what we have to heal, by sitting with our feelings. We can also tether ourselves to safety by share our emotional status with someone that we trust to just hold space, without them trying to fix or judge the situation; someone who is able to hold space for us without taking on our woes as their own, yet not looking away from ours. Sometimes this looks like a friend, a sibling, a peer, a parent, a guardian, a lover, an elder, a coach or a therapist. Our biggest development tool in relationships, then, must be in cultivating discernment, in who we choose to share our energy with, while still be able to note any red flags, without judging our partners, or doing the work of healing for them.

Sometimes as “Healers” the ones we attract in life, are those who also help others heal, because they already have done some work on themselves, and also need help healing other areas of their life. It must be on both parties to do their own individual process of healing in order to engage in intimacy in a way that isn’t causing more harm to the other. Just because 2 healers are present, does not mean they will know how to heal, be open with you, or help you heal in reciprocity — this is where discernment comes in.

Who Helps A Healer To Heal?

We are all human, and with that comes the reality that we are all still evolving and growing through pain, which can be extremely tiresome. This is precisely why many healers are more comfortable helping others heal, or healing silence, rather than in tandem for fear of vulnerability that comes with intimate settings. It is a very raw and open place to be, which in of itself is an opportunity for deeper growth through a capable and informed mirror. I am an advocate for Healers helping Healers, and have found myself growing in leaps and bounds in such relationships. Sometimes it takes that leap, to lead to greater understanding through intense mirrors, transforming us into a version of ourselves that is more “un-fuck-with-able”, while still allowing us to lead with love. By proxy, we become better healers and providers for the communities that we are in service to. Now we are able to refill our own cups, rather than constantly feeling depleted. Like a sport, Healers require loving-conditioning and self-discipline to achieve self-mastery.

Of course, the other party may not be ready, so the loss can feel lonely, and begrudgingly so, this too is part of the work. Not only noticing our relationship patterns, and noticing toxic behaviors, but shifting the way we react to these patterns, vs expecting the other party to magically shift and change their reality to accommodate our needs. We must learn how to make ourselves happy, and be able to tune out all other distractions for a time each day, and allow the time and space to just be with ourselves, sitting with our emotions, breathing through it, crying, laughing, getting angry, simply feeling all the feels rather than suppressing and wishing them away. The only way out is in. We don’t get over things, we get through them. Facing our shadow self, with a loving heart for our inner child, is where true root healing begins.

Identify Root Causes

Last night, I had a dream where I was riding on the hood of a sports car with my twin sister, going fast as someone else drove. I felt alive, some hesitation in the back of my mind, which was a signal to me to hold on even tighter and enjoying the ride while it lasted, knowing death was a very likely option, since my hands were my only form of attachment to the vehicle.